Have you had the impulse to rescue your coaching client from themselves?
No shame. Just tell yourself the truth here.
It’s a knee jerk desire that’s belied by your
- energy
- words
- over-delivery
- attachment to outcome
I get it!
You want so much to have a big impact that the basic tenets of coaching—that your client is resourceful and whole and your relationship is co-creative—are overridden.
If you are guilty of jumping into fix-it mode in sessions, don’t stress but do stop it!
Track what’s driving you during coaching sessions.
Right motivation is the anchor of masterful coaching.
As a 2 on the Enneagram, I’ve had to work hard at this, my friends, and it’s worth it!
Allow your client to take the lead in their own transformation with a simple internal process to manage your motives, which I’ll walk you through in this short episode of Prosperous Coach Podcast.
Hey Coach!
Innate Helper Run Amuck in Coaching?
Are you an innate helper? Do you feel it’s imperative that you make it all better when someone is hurting?
I bet you’re good at it.
Coaching attracts people who love to support and guide others. It’s a natural fit. And, that same energy, if not tempered, can reduce the effectiveness of coaching and cause issues in the relationship.
It can drain you when coaching should feel gently energizing.
As I mentioned, I’m a 2 on the Enneagram – The Helper. In my last corporate job, it was difficult to get work done because people would stop by all day to tell me their problems. I joked that I needed a sign saying “The Doctor is Out”.
Observing that confidante talent in me, motivated a friend to ask “Have you ever thought about becoming a coach?”
I leapt at the idea with a misunderstanding that what I would be doing as a coach looked just like those fix it conversations with colleagues at work.
Within days I enrolled in coach training and negotiated an independent contractor role with my boss so I could work at home on select projects while I studied and built my business.
And soon, I had to UNLEARN that unconscious and deep seated desire to help, support and fix people.
Bringing that into consciousness made it possible for me to change the motivation beneath my helping impulse. I learned to set and manage boundaries.
Coaches Need Strong Boundaries to Coach Well
Being a student of boundaries is a life long learning.
Really, it’s such a fascinating thing … to think that when your default desire is to help, it’s time to harness that—not to amp it up but to put on the brakes.
There’s a strange thing that happens with coaches, especially those vibrating with the glory of new coaching skills:
- In a desire to help they can harm.
- In a desire to guide they can misdirect.
- In a desire to be more valuable to their clients, a coach can overstep.
I think you know what I’m talking about.
I encourage you to become a student of boundaries. Observe yourself in all of your relationships and notice…
When smart boundaries are maintained, everyone wins!
And when boundaries are too permeable, everyone can lose.
So, what do these boundaries look like practically? It’s an ongoing self awareness to carry into every session you have with clients or email you write to them.
The 5-Step Method to Cleaner Coaching
Start by getting it deep into your bones that in the co-creative relationship of coach and client, both people are resourceful and whole. No one is superior.
It is only by respecting your client and trusting their wisdom that the best of coaching occurs.
It may seem ironic, but that’s the paradox of coaching that goes beyond the ordinary into extraordinary.
Before coaching sessions:
- Turn your wise observer self on you. It’s like turning on a light into your soul.
- Set intention to curb any attachment to outcome you might have.
During sessions:
3. Keep your ears and heart OPEN to hear what’s most important. Let it float to you without reaction.
4. Before you speak in response to your client, track and adjust your motivation.
5. Rely most on asking open-ended questions from a place of genuine curiosity and respect for your client.
Try this out in all your relationships. And be compassionate with yourself when that feels impossible. Soon, you’ll be better at this and you’ll be relieved that you don’t have to save the day.