Doesn’t it seem lately like everyone is feeling overwhelm these days in higher proportions than before? I’ve been feeling it myself and I know some of it is not mine but rather the collective. And, I think overwhelm can become a habitual state that needs an intervention before it becomes anxiety and depression.
What can you do to help your clients release overwhelm, get unstuck and move forward again on their big goals?
This 208th episode of Prosperous Coach Podcast has an approach that might work for you and your coaching clients.
A close friend of mine called the other day and said she was going through a rough time. She wanted some coaching. Both of us are professional coaches and we do that for each other from time to time.
Yes, you can coach a friend or family member as long as you set good boundaries and don’t treat them like a client outside of coaching conversations. It takes mindfulness and it can be done with grace. I encourage all coaches to have at least one peer coaching relationship beyond their mentor coach.
Stay Detached When You Coach
To start, my friend did a beautiful job sharing the circumstances that led up to her current state of mind, which was making her feel unable to move forward on things that were truly important to her.
I was able to listen without interruption, jot some notes and feel compassion for her in my heart without taking on her challenges energetically. Do you know what I mean by that? It’s so easy for new coaches to stumble into the trap of feeling responsible for the coachee when you’re coaching.
It’s important to keep yourself out of the weeds and observe from a detached but loving place.
One of the most beautiful things about coaching is that if you don’t rush ahead in your mind to “fix” the problem … powerful questions, insights and potential solutions do float up in your mind and you can test a few out with your client. If they resonate with it great. If not, that’s great too.
Performance is not where you’re here for.
I experience my intuition most keenly when I’m relaxed. It’s almost as if words are floating in front of me where certain ones will highlight or get larger. That’s my intuition telling me to pay attention.
But just because my intuition is talking doesn’t mean it will be right for my client. So, letting go of insights is just as important as being open to them.
Your intuition might come in pictures or senses. You can develop your own style of listening with detachment and discover things your rational brain might never come up with on its own.
Listen for Words with Charge from Coaching Clients
As she was talking, I noticed there were two words she repeated often that had a tremendous amount of charge. And for me, each time these two words were said they flashed in my mind like fireflies.
She finished her story with a strong statement about what she did NOT want — continued overwhelm and slow progress on her top goals.
I acknowledged her story and what she was feeling. Then, I noted what she did NOT want and asked her what she does want. She was quick to state which of her goals was most important to her and why, then also legitimize her reasonable desire for the other goals too. I wrote all the goals down so I could refer to them.
I mentioned that the word ‘overwhelm’ came up frequently in her story and that it felt loaded with a charge each time she said it.
She agreed that overwhelm was the crux of the matter and it was loaded with emotion.
I suddenly thought that changing the word might be a good entry point to a solution. I literally saw a cross out over the word ‘overwhelm’ in my mind’s eye. With prompting, she came up with a different, more neutrally charged phrase. And, I noticed some of her heaviness fall away, which affirmed the direction we were going in.
Create a Mechanism for Reset
When people get overwhelmed there’s a negative cycle. The more overwhelmed they feel, the more overwhelmed they feel. It escalates and then, just the idea of trying to fix the overwhelm becomes overwhelming. A reset is needed.
Using her new phrase, I asked her what could relieve that sense of reduced bandwidth within her.
When you help your clients create a reset, it should be simple, doable most anywhere and anytime and something that truly will provide relief.
Because she knows that if you can change your body, you can change your brain, she committed to the idea of doing a simple physical thing whenever she felt reduced bandwidth. Just talking about it I sensed ease for her.
Help Them Gain a Sense of Forward Movement
Then we talked about her habits with daily tasks on goals. It became clear that it had been a while since she felt a sense of accomplishment. That repetition of not making progress on her goals had started to create a strong belief that she could not make these goals happen.
Fears about the future are the most paralyzing thoughts. And if a person believes they are stuck for good and cannot reach their goals because they are lacking it creates a sense of helplessness and shame.
I suggested that she build a habit of accomplishing again. The key is to expect less and get small things done each day, then acknowledge every small accomplishment. Over time that builds confidence.
She agreed. Today, she will pick one doable and meaningful task for each goal she’s trying to move forward. Then tomorrow she will do them, then celebrate!
When you celebrate accomplishments, it becomes much easier to do a bit more each week without getting bit by overwhelm. Try it out yourself! So often, LESS IS MORE. Episode #171 – The #1 Trait of the Best Coaches is about this freeing approach to your business, your life and helping your clients.