This episode is about anxiety that some coaches feel caused by one specific action they take repeatedly. It can keep you from moving forward in your coaching business and enjoying the journey.
I once worked with a coach who kept backsliding between sessions. We’d have a dynamic conversation in session. Their passion would pour forth. Certainty would click into place and I’d set them onto a task to take their decision into action.
A day or two later all the certainty had dissolved and in its place was paralyzing overwhelm and doubt.
We’d meet again and the passion would come back full force. They would leave the session feeling sure of their direction and ready to take action. But then a few days later slide back into a deep internal struggle.
I have great compassion for all new coaches. These highly intelligent and personally powerful human beings can really going through it!
I’ve been there and specifically at that tender time of just beginning to build my coaching business. I remember the lost feeling. The belief that I didn’t have what it takes.
In both my case and I believe this coach’s case as well, we were getting in our own way. It’s not unusual to get stuck repeatedly when you’re doing many things for the first time and taking a big risk to build a business.
There was one thing this coach was doing repeatedly that stole away their fire and sense of purpose … Googling other coaches websites and social channels in their coaching niche.
You’ve done that, right? You wonder if it will give you a clue and maybe it will affirm your direction. But it does just the opposite. The comparison monster rears it’s ugly head and fills you with doubts.
Am I good enough?
Can I do this?
Those other coaches have so much more going for themselves!
I don’t have enough credentials.
Maybe I should give up!
Shame rises up along with fears that spiral into a big story you tell yourself.
What can you do? Three things …
1. Invite the Emotional Part to Have a Rest
Sometimes drama is high and gets more accentuated over time when you’re not in action. These feelings don’t necessarily mean anything about your future. But they feel all consuming in the moment.
A while ago I did some Internal Family Systems parts work to help me through a difficult time. I highly recommend the workbook called Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life by Tom & Laurie Holmes. It’s something you can read and get value from on your own or work on it with a therapist who know the concept.
With guidance, a bit of self-awareness and spontaneous action with a crayon I was able to quickly draw the most prominent characters of my inner family. These are the parts that drive me through my days with similar triggers and results.
Now, I notice these characters at work inside me. I can see what’s going on with them when I feel fear, shame, grief or anger. And, if I give myself a bit of time I can respond with compassion and engage my higher self to both care for those other parts and soothe them.
This work has stayed with me and helped me in my life more than any similar kind of self-help. I occasionally incorporate it into coaching clients if it feels right.
2. Separate Facts from Interpretation
Once you have turned down the emotional drama, look dispassionately at the truth. I learned this from my very first coach, Judy Sabah. Thanks Judy!
Draw a vertical line on a piece of paper making two equal columns. One side is for THE FACTS and the other is for INTERPRETATION.
Now, think about the circumstances that sent you into a doubt tailspin. Write your story down and objectively separate the facts from the truth.
This process takes the oomph out of the seemingly threatening circumstances. Relief is almost immediate when you can see how the story was built into a tragedy bit by bit by your emotional characters inside.
You’ll have a new perspective and possibly a clue to what specifically sent you swirling in confusion. The power of that thing to hurt you has been disarmed. And calmed down, you can look at things for what they are.
3. Turn Off the Firehose of Information Coming In
When I work with coaches if I detect that they are susceptible to overwhelm I suggest that they unsubscribe from blogs and newsletters, stop buying programs and books, and above all, stop “researching” other coaches in their niche.
It’s not an easy request for some. But for those that can do it, there’s an immediate relief. Then they can focus on our journey together to build their business collaboratively. We can engage their passion, intelligence and preferences and move forward actually building the blocks that will make up their business — something that can feed and satisfy them for decades to come.
Even 23 years into my own coaching business I keep the inflow of information to a trickle because I know what my mind will do if I’m watching my “competitors” closely or letting myself get overwhelmed with input. I know that I get full fast and it paralyzes me!
The trick is to only reach outside yourself for very specific answers needed right now. Get your answer and then apply what you’ve learned as soon as you possibly can. Reducing the inflow reduces overwhelm and builds your momentum. Learn a little then do a lot with what you learn. That’s the successful entrepreneur way.