Ep 89 – Do You Shrink or Inflate Your Power with Coaching Clients?

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Show Notes

This episode is part of the Client Management series.

In the last episode, I covered 7 RED FLAGS to watch for with clients and also how you need to watch your feelings for indications of losing your integrity in sessions with clients.

Well, this session is one way you can lose your integrity and disempower your client.

What do you do when a client comes to a session resistant, as if their arms are folded across their chest? Coaching seems to bounce off them.

Or worse they seem to have the expectation that you’ll fix or figure out things for them, but aren’t willing to be part of the solution. What’s going on there?

Power dynamics.

For coaching to happen, both coach and client must show up co-creative, resourceful and whole. In other words … standing in their personal power.

How can you do your part to encourage that?

The Helper in You May Overdo it

Most coaches I meet genuinely want to help others. In fact, it’s often a driving force in their lives to give.

Are you familiar with the Enneagram? What’s your number?

I’m a 2 – The Helper. And I’ve gone many turns around the spiral learning to become ever more conscious about the heavy shadow side of that noble desire to help and give. Do you feel me?

Wanting to help and give all the time can actually disempower others.

While it’s an obvious choice to become a coach if you like to give and help, that very impulse needs to be monitored.

So, for me learning how empower clients begins with “right sizing” myself. My intention is to show up as powerful as I am without inflating or deflating myself through my thoughts, words and actions. Because I know if I’m not right sized it will upset the power dynamic and disempower my client.

Think about it … in your last coaching session were you RIGHT SIZED?

It’s not a set it and forget it sort of thing. It requires centering before beginning any session and then tracking yourself

5 Ways to Empower You and Your Coaching Clients

1.  Hit the reset button before sessions.

  • Take 5 minutes of quiet to breathe and reconnect to your Highest Self.
  • Value yourself intrinsically.
  • Own your gifts, talents, and skills (as different but not more than your clients.)
  • Show vulnerability without being self-deprecating.
  • Get your needs met outside the coach/client relationship.

2. Let your clients take full responsibility for their role.

  • Charge fees that pay you well.
  • Never adjust fees to get a client.
  • Treat clients as resourceful adults.
  • Don’t do your clients work for them.
  • Set time boundaries and ask clients to honor them.

3. Promote original thinking and self-starting.

  • Verbally appreciate your client’s unique abilities.
  • Praise self-awareness, intuitive action and insights.
  • Reward initiative with enthusiasm and ask about their next steps.
  • Challenge them to do more than what’s comfortable.

4. Spark their wisdom without manipulating.

  • Let go of assumptions of what you think they know or don’t.
  • Ask their opinion about how to best coach them.
  • Ask a lot of direct open-ended questions. Let go of impulses to lead.
  • Own your opinions as just that … opinons. Don’t make them wrong for theirs.

5. Listen for their truth.

  • Validate their feelings without taking them on.
  • Separate your story from their story.
  • Ask questions to help them separate facts from interpretation.

What are other ways you’ve found to empower clients and stay out of the trap of fixing or saving them?

In the Next Episode: Test Your Coaching Niche with 4 Powerful Questions