Ep 96 – Can You Want Too Much for Your Coaching Clients?

This episode is part of the series called Manage Your Coaching Clients, which you can find at prosperouscoach.com/manage.

I clearly remember a moment in the first few years of my coaching business where I was sharing with my mentor coach some feelings I was having about a client.

Then she asked me a powerful question:

Do you want more for your clients than they want for themselves?

That woke me up! I began to examine my motivations and set healthier boundaries for myself with clients.

Have you ever sensed that you might want too much for your clients?

Most new coaches fall into this trap on some level.

The trick is to let go of your desire to effect change ON your clients. In other words, don’t try to fix them or heal them.

Build up within yourself the belief that your client alone drives their desire and ability to change and grow. They have to want it!

2 More Powerful Questions

You can never know the path of another person.

If you try to anticipate and course correct for your client’s potential mistakes, are you keeping them from valuable experiences that may bring success more quickly?

Or, if you jump in to solve their problems and salve their hurts too vigorously, are you diminishing your clients personal power and inflating yours?

You can only answer this if you stay aware during your sessions and regularly examine your own motivations for what you say and do with your clients.

The real beauty of coaching is the co-creative relationship. Both coach and client focus collaboratively to draw out and utilize the client’s wisdom toward high payoff actions.

You, as a coach must trust that your client is creative, resourceful and whole. In other words they are fully capable of taking care of themselves.

But know this … you don’t have to hold back a well-placed and well-worded challenge to your client to shift their mindset or take a more powerful action. That’s excellent coaching! After you do that, let go of attachment.

In fact, I think that having a coaching business and working with clients is a never ending life lesson in letting go of your attachment. It’s a key to happiness!

3 Symptoms and Causes to Watch with Coaching Clients

Let’s explore the symptoms, causes and side effects when we want too much for our coaching clients.

Symptom #1: Over-delivering

Cause: You’re to find solutions for every issue raised, rather than focusing on one coachable moment that will move the client toward a perspective shift and the takeaway stated in their agenda.

Side effect: The client is overwhelmed.

They are overwhelmed by your desire to help them beyond their current level of commitment to help themselves. How are big problems solved? One small integrate-able step at a time. Support your clients to make leaps in their perspective and to make more progress on their own between sessions.

Symptom #2: You feel drained after a session

Cause: You have stepped outside of the co-creative role and pushed your energy onto the client in an effort to correct, fix or “save the client from themselves.”

Side effect: The client progresses slowly and you lose confidence.

At its best, coaching energizes both the client and the coach. Focus on listening closely for the client’s wisdom, using intuitive responses and questions to invite powerful shifts. Take it easy!

Symptom #3: You do the client’s work for them

Cause: You abandoned the co-creative role to influence the client from a consultative, teacher or parental role.

Side effect: The client is disempowered. You overwork for your fee.

A caveat here … I’m a trained coach and as I’ve gained expertise I’ve shifted my business to a more consultative approach. I mentor my clients and advise them on coaching niche development and all things coaching business related. I use coaching skills continuously with clients but I no longer characterize my sessions as coaching sessions because I do teach and guide during them.

If your business model and your offers deliver consulting on a specific expertise, teaching or training and you’re up front about that when you enroll a client, then you’ve covered the practical side of this. You’ve made a business decision.

But there’s still what goes on in your mind as you utilize coaching skills.

An excellent way to teach in your coaching business is through products, training programs public speaking and other forms of content — such as blogs, podcast episodes and videos —all designed for your target audience.

If your intention is to coach then as much as you can use powerful questions to draw out what your client thinks first. Provide short cuts and resources only after you’ve thoroughly drawn out and endorsed their own ideas. Never do their work for them just because you can.

In all of these cases, what’s being unknowingly sacrificed is the co-creative relationship — the very thing that makes coaching so powerful for clients!

In the Next Episode: What If Your Coaching Clients Has Strong Emotions During a Session?

Stop Overdelivering in Coaching Sessions – Why and How to Shift

Over-delivery can be strategic, such as amping up the quality of your free offers or loading up a paid program with juicy bonuses. But chronic over-delivery in coaching sessions could actually undermine your financial success and relationships with clients. That’s because it’s often rooted in a lack of trust… either in the value of your services or in your client’s abilities. Or both.

Think about it…https://prosperouscoachblog.com/stop-overdelivering-coaching-sessions-shift/

  • Do you chronically go beyond the time boundaries of your sessions?
  • Do you sometimes do your clients work for them (when it’s not part of your package?)
  • Have you ever sensed that you want more for your clients than they do for themselves?
  • Do you ever feel resentful that you’re not paid well enough for your time, but then still over-deliver?

Enrolling Coaching Clients Requires Mindset Mastery

Recently, I posted 10 powerful questions for enrolling clients and it sparked excitement from some coaches that haven’t found sample coaching sessions effective and concerns from others about the potential for manipulating prospects with the questions. Thanks for the great discussion!

https://prosperouscoachblog.com/enroll-coaching-clients-mindsetSuccessful client enrollment is part competence with an enrollment process and part mastery of mindset. I explain in my previous post why, after more than a decade of coaching, I prefer the process of enrollment questions over giving a sample  session.

Are enrollment questions manipulative? No, not in themselves. But if the coach asking those questions is attached to the outcome of getting a client the questions could feel manipulative to the prospect. The coach’s attachment to outcome is the potentially troublesome factor.

How To Reach Thousands of New Clients with Joint Ventures

This is a guest blog post by my friend — Max Simon, founder of Big Vision Business.

I felt embarrassed and small.

I was at this well-known business conference talking to big name people about my business and the kinds of projects I was involved with… and I had “list shame”.

Everyone around me had 10,000, 20,000, or even 50,000 person mailing lists of people they could speak to on a weekly basis.

… And I had less than 1,200.

I felt embarrassed and small like my work in the world was not important or meaningful. As a result, I did not show up as powerfully or engage as fully as I knew possible.

After that conference, that was when I made the unwavering decision to build a bigger following so that I could interact with the people I respected and admired.

Unfortunately, I had no idea how to attract more people to be a part of my tribe… and most of the internet marketing strategies like buying traffic (and other complicated stuff like that) seemed too challenging to figure out.

Joint Ventures will help your business reach the masses

That’s when I discovered a strategy called “Joint Ventures”… which is when you inspire other people to endorse you and promote your programs to their big list of followers.

… Which in turn builds your email list with perfectly aligned people who are hungry for what you’re doing (and want to buy).

So over the last few years, I devoted myself to learning EVERYTHING you would ever need to know about doing joint ventures and working with partners… and today, I’m thrilled to say that “I no longer have list shame.”

Plus I’ve been able to build a 7-figure business that truly is making a huge impact in the world and allowing me to work with incredible people who I can truly help.

So today, I’d like to share with you the 3 important “Partnership Secrets” to learning how to master joint ventures so you can achieve the same kind of powerful results no matter how far along you are in your business right now.

Do You Want Too Much for Your Coaching Clients?

Many years ago, Thomas Leonard, founder of the first coach training school and the “father of life coaching,” said:

Never want more for your clients than they want for themselves.

That woke me up! I began to examine my motivations and set healthier boundaries for myself with clients.

Have you ever sensed that you might want too much for your clients?

Most coaches fall into this trap on some level, until they let go of their desire to effect change on their clients, and replace it with an understanding that what is best for the client is only what the client is ready to commit to change within themselves right now.

Handle Objections Like a Super Coach

As a coach you have it made in the shade! But sometimes you don’t realize it. The skills you use to coach — listening, asking powerful questions, intuiting, using perspective, messaging, reframing — are aces for enrolling too.

But sometimes when you’re enrolling new clients, fear sneaks in on little cat’s feet and you forget all that you have going for you. Here’s how it happens:

Things are going along swimmingly in a sample session, enrolling consult or preview teleseminar. You are connecting with potential clients, enjoying them, engaging with curiosity. Then, when it comes time to invite them to take a next step with you, you shift… in dramatic ways like when Dr. Jekyl turns into Mr Hyde:

connecting

Suddenly you’re performing when you were connecting.

Suddenly you are attached to outcome when before you were detached.

Suddenly it’s all about you when before it was all about them.

But in fact, nothing had to change.

5 Ways to Right Size Yourself to Empower Your Coaching Clients

You know how certain clients are a perfect fit for you? They come to the table fully responsible for their feelings, decisions and actions. They’re hungry for the gifts of coaching, no matter what they look like. They allow it to catalyze their own wisdom and intelligence.

Those folks are showing up empowered and fully stepping into their role in the co-creative relationship.

But what about the flipside when it feels like a client comes to a session resistant, as if their arms are folded across their chest. Coaching seems to bounce off them. Or worse they bring the expectation that you’ll fix things for them, but aren’t willing to be part of the solutions. What’s going on there?

Power dynamics.

Empower Your Clients - Rhonda HessFor coaching to happen, both coach and client must show up co-creative, resourceful and whole.

How can you do your part?

How to Stop Shrinking or Inflating Your Power

Most coaches I meet genuinely want to help others. In fact, it’s often a driving force in their lives to give.

I know I have that “helper” archetype. And I’ve gone many turns around the spiral learning to be conscious about the heavy shadow side of that noble desire. Do you feel me?

What’s Learning You? Lessons from Your Coaching Biz

The title of this post is not a typo – what’s learning you? Before you spur yourself into your future again, take a minute to bring with you the gifts of 2010. Truly integrate what you’ve learned and 2011 will be juicier, bigger and more fun for you!

Almost everyone I know has been in a big boiling cauldron of change in 2010. You too? I feel like I’m finally out of that hot water and into the grace of enjoying what I learned in that uncomfortable time.

What I learned in 2010.
So, I want to hear about what’s ‘learning’ you. In other words, are you changed by what’s happened this year?

What has had you on your growing edge?

How have you transformed?

What were the big aha’s?

5 Things that Learned Me in 2010

I’ll start by sharing my big aha’s this year, then you jump in, okay?

Less is More

At her recent Recurring Revenue Revolution event in Las Vegas, Milana Leshinsky said something that stopped me in my tracks.

“Just because something is accurate doesn’t mean it’s useful.”

Wow! Isn’t that the truth?