Looking back on my journey as a coach and business owner, I see how emotional intelligence has played a part in my success. I had so much to learn. Still do.
Coach training and coaching clients improves emotional intelligence. Just raising your ability to listen is a first step. Clear communication skills makes for a solid foundation.
From there add empathy and understanding that everyone is differently abled and complex, coming from different degrees of privilege and disadvantage.
Self awareness is critical factor in EI — an unflinching understanding of your own strengths, weaknesses, beliefs and motivation.
As a new coach constantly stretched beyond comfort zones, the roller coaster of self doubt and elation can keep you scrambling. Greater emotional intelligence helps.
How can you raise more EI? Let’s talk about that.
Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations About Your Coaching Business
One of my VIP clients is a marvel to me. Even though so much of what we’re doing together to build her business is 100% new to her, she seems to have no inner critic tearing her down as she’s taking a big step or makes a mistake and needs to try again.
Because she allows herself to be a beginner and learn it all in good time actually means she gets there with less anxiety and more quickly.
This way of being is extraordinary to me. More often, new coaches struggle with self doubt and that self imposed pressure. It stems from some unrealistic expectations about:
- What they should know from the get go.
- How quickly they should learn or that they should make less mistakes.
- How quickly they should earn well and reach their top goals.
Disappointment over what’s NOT happening steals their will, makes them stuck and keeps them from taking strategic actions.
Do you ever let disappointment or doubt stop you cold?
What can you do now to change that?
I realized some years ago that this push-push mentality is pervasive in most cultures. It’s a limiting belief:
“I must reach my top goals right now and if I don’t there’s something wrong with me!”
For myself, I was so relieved to realize that every human is on a developmental path and by necessity cannot bypass taking the steps on the path.
In fact, the path is the point to life. The journey, not the outcome, is truly is how mastery develops.
Yes, you can definitely learn faster with the right teacher or mentor, take leaps in mindset and understanding. And, if you allow yourself to learn incrementally you’ll be able to integrate the learning faster.
What do you say?
Can you allow yourself to learn and grow over time?
Patience is an undervalued skill. I have learned that beginner mind is a secret to success in any new endeavor. And once you learn patience and that beginner mind — which is a type of wisdom — every time you need to learn something new, that mindset will be your best ally.
4 Steps to Manage the Emotional Roller Coaster
Self regulation of emotions and impulses is part of emotional intelligence. And, I’m learning it’s the key to happiness too.
If you are feeling anything uncomfortable that dampens your drive:
- Take a step back and pause.
- What is the feeling? Where do you feel it in your body?
- Focus on it as an object of curiosity. Notice how focusing on it lessens it’s power.
- Differentiate between the emotions you feel and the facts. Extracting the story away from feelings and facts can diminish the feeling more
Feelings just need to be acknowledged then allowed to move on. That bit of attention you just gave yourself is a way to honor your human-ness without letting your emotions rule over you. Then you can get back to taking the next step on your developmental path.
What Dampens Your Motivation, Coach?
Another part of emotional intelligence is self motivation – the ability to set goals, rise to challenges and find inspiration to act boldly again and again.
Temporary loss of drive is normal. Four things that choke motivation:
- Doubting yourself — believing the nagging voice that repeatedly says: “I don’t have what it takes.” Only believing it makes it so. If you refuse to believe it, it isn’t so.
- Not trusting the process — resisting the hard things and begrudging the time it takes to walk the developmental path one step at a time.
- Prioritizing training over concrete steps — getting the certifications but holding yourself back from building anything lasting.
- Believing you should have hit your goal by now — impatience kills motivation.
I saw a graphic of a man digging a tunnel and giving up just when the treasure was just a foot away. If you really want something, keep going!
Okay … let’s all gather more emotional intelligence for a better world!
