I know that once a coach has strategy in place in their coaching business, success is largely an inner game — your response to challenges and opportunities. It’s perfect territory for deep transformation and … struggle.
Struggling used to be an art form for me.
I came by it honestly. My mother, who grew up during The Great Depression, was a practiced struggler. But, she also made things happen. I inherited both those traits.
Then one day, my coaching business mentor said about my habitual struggle: “Everything doesn’t have to be so hard, Rhonda.” Obvious right? But that was a lightbulb moment for me. I began to dismantle my struggling style. Still, at high stress times, it rises up.
Would you like to struggle less so you can enjoy all aspects of your coaching business journey? Let me tell you about 2 brilliant concepts that I rely on.
Help Yourself and Your Coaching Clients to Radical Self Acceptance
One of the ways I release struggle and get back into positive mindset and action is with radical self acceptance.
Have you ever heard of that concept? It’s exactly what it sounds like … accepting yourself — your thoughts, feelings, experiences, character flaws, mistakes — everything about yourself.
It is freeing because, in the moment, it shuts down those mean thoughts you have about yourself. It short circuits the habit of beating yourself up, kicking yourself coming and going. You know what I mean.
In the last 10 – 15 minutes what have you been quietly beating yourself up about around your coaching business? It might sound like:
I’ll never be able to do this!
I’m not good enough!
Why would anyone pay me to coach them?
Why do I suck at everything?
Everyone beats themselves up with thoughts like this.
Radical self acceptance helps change the frequency and impact of those harsh inner voices through self-compassion and love.
It reduces anxiety. And, like any mindfulness technique, practiced over time, it literally changes your outlook on life and the way you show up with others. You start radically accepting others too. The whole field you live in day to day becomes more emotionally intelligent, tolerant and positive.
Pretty soon that mean self-talk is a bit laughable. You can send it away from you with a flick.
Radical self acceptance does not keep you from improving yourself in other ways. The more you understand yourself, the more curious you become. That curiosity is full of aliveness and drive. Acceptance is the carrot instead of the stick of mean self talk.
If you’ve lived most of your life by the stick, this change in approach is how you become unstoppable.
10% is the Magic Number for Inner Transformation
There was a time in my life where I was in physical pain 24/7. I had tried so many different medications and modalities to reduce pain. The one that worked best for me was a mindfulness trick taught to me by a pain management therapist and I found it applied to any struggle.
The idea is to move the dial by just 10% — find 10% more joy, perceive 10% less pain, seek 10% more peace, let go of 10% of the struggle.
One of the reasons why transformation feels so hard when you are in physical or emotional pain is that your brain can’t wrap itself around what complete transformation would look or feel like. It’s too much.
So, the beauty of 10% is that it feels doable. It’s an increment the brain can understand. And 10% is significant.
I was slowly able to quiet my brain’s alarm bells which were firing the pain receptors. Now, I’m blessed that I rarely have pain on a high side of the scale and if I do, I have tools to soothe the amygdala and my nervous system.
Habitual struggle won’t necessarily keep you from being successful in your coaching business but it can steal the joy of the journey. It can keep you on a hair trigger of reaction. And it will sap your energy.
As a coach, your own inner transformation does impact your clients and future clients. Try not to worry about that. Instead, practice 10% or radical self acceptance. You will love yourself more, which ripples out everywhere.
What are your go-to tools for reducing struggle, pain, anxiety and improving your outlook?