Stop Letting Fear Keep You From Playing Big

Fear is actually a great ally. It signals opportunity (unless you’re living out in the wilderness and then it can signal “run”!) But seriously now… fear puts you on notice that you’re at the threshold of realizing more of your potential.

If you step through the threshold despite your fear, you’re likely to never look back because action replaces fear with inspiration. Your creativity and motivation take over and propel you forward.

But you do have to decide… to risk transforming yourself. Without decision, commitment and action it’s not possible to get any closer to what you want. And, indecision out of fear is a joy and creativity killer.

“It’s fear of outcome, not the outcome itself that causes pain.
– Larry Crane, The Release Technique

So here you are… wanting with all your heart to have a financially successful coaching business helping others make decisions and take powerful actions to get what they want. You have important decisions before you. Who is your niche market? What is your message? What offer will be irresistible to them? And, what can you do today to attract more clients and income?

But if you’re paralyzed with fear and need to make a decision now, what do you do?

 

Five Steps to Move Through Fear and Decide

1. Greet Fear as An Ally.

Everyone feels fear, no matter how confident or capable they are. Fear is inevitable.

So your goal isn’t to stop feeling fear forever, but rather shift to seeing fear as an ally and harbinger of opportunity. Make it a friend, and then the pain of it is fleeting. (And by the way, it will visit you less often too.)

2. Set Aside 5 Minutes to Visit with Fear

Write down the “tapes” that are playing in your head. You might discover a set of assumptions you’re holding that are biased from a past experience. You are not your past.

What is this wise part of you saying to you? What part of your body constricts or tenses up when you feel fear? Ask that part:

What do you need from me right now?

Often, this part just needs reassurance, such as “I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to.” Then your body relaxes and creativity ignites.

Every time I’ve used this coaching technique with a client it’s astounding how quickly their wisdom opens and fear dissolves. Why? Time. You see we rarely take the time to listen to fear as an ally.

3. Let Go of How

When the dreaded hows start flooding your mind, fear amplifies. As Mike Dooley says: “Do all you can, with what you’ve got, from where you are” and the Universe will do its part.

The path to success will always be outside your comfort zone. It’s okay. You know how to grow. You’ve been doing it quite well for a long time.

Let go of the desire to know it all and have it altogether. Lighten up and access your creativity.

Your goal is to make a decision, commit to that decision and take small incremental actions over time. If you require yourself to know how to do everything now, you’ll go numb and get stuck again.

4. Trust that There Are No Wrong Choices

The only poor decision is one made out of fear. If you cannot make the decision now, ask yourself what you need to decide.

– Information?
– Support?
– Rest?

Go get it.

5. Set a Date When You’ll Decide No Matter What

On that day if you haven’t made your decision yet, do this guided imagery exercise:

Close your eyes and see yourself filled with light. Then imagine opening your eyes to see a bridge over a beautiful stream. Beyond that bridge is a lovely winding path to your ultimate destination – what you really want.

You can’t see the whole path but it’s calling you on a meaningful journey.

Then you see a basket by the side of the bridge and instantly, you know what to do. One by one you leave your past regrets, your worries, bad habits and limiting beliefs in the basket. With each one you feel lighter and happier.

When you’ve filled the basket, walk halfway across the bridge, let your indecision fall off the side and watch it float away on the stream.

Then decide.

 

So… let’s hear your tribulations and tips about fear and making decisions. Please post them in the comments below.

  • Art Serrano

    A quote that I love by Pema Chodron – “Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back.”

  • Thanks for sharing Pema’s wonderful quote Art! I totally agree. 

  • Manal K

    Love the guided imagery exercise!! thank you for that.

    My decision said work with postpartum women. My tendency is to 2nd guess, and I have been for over a year now. The back and forth is making me crazy. Hope this is the push I needed

    • Hey Manal.

      I know it’s tiresome going back & forth. I think the issue is that most people make decisions emotionally about what niche market to serve rather than from the perspective of whether it’s a viable choice.

      To test the viability of any niche market choice, ask yourself these questions:

      1. Can I easily find hundreds of people in this niche market and will they talk to me?

      2. If I were in this niche market myself, would I be willing to invest significant amounts of money over the long term to help me achieve a specific outcome?

      If you get a no or your answer is weak, it may not be a viable market.

      If you get a strong YES, then allso ask yourself: What specific outcome does this group KNOW they urgently want help to achieve with professional (paid) support?

      Some niche markets are full of seekers — people who do invest in their personal and professional growth — but not all.

      Hope that helps. And by the way, this is step 1 of the process I take coaches through in my program Ideal Coaching Market to help them choose a highly profitable niche market that they’ll truly enjoy and that will pay off!

  • Rippleeffectorganizing

    As I read this post, I thought back to all the times I have felt fear and remembered that I moved through it. I have goals and ideas now that will take me out of my comfort zone and I wonder…. Why doesn’t remembering all those times I’ve moved through my fear help my in my current position!? Well, it kind of does but all that work! and now I’ve got to work some more! I guess it means I’m alive.

    • Exactly! Not only are you alive but you are experiencing something normal and natural. Bless you though. What I know for sure is it does get easier as you get solid in your business. It doesn’t go away, but it just becomes familiar and it’s easier to move through.

  • Renae

    I love the acronym FEAR:  False Evidence Appearing Real!  How much of our fear is based in reality.

    • For me, little of my fear is founded. Sigh!

  • I love this! Great thinking! Your article clearly provides clever ideas on how to actually turn fear (your worst enemy) to something that will push you further and potentially help you succeed in life or career. Way to go Rhonda! Looking forward to your next posts 🙂